I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
