I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
