You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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