Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My liver just broke up with me...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
