sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
love makes seman taste better
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
