is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
