My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
