used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
