Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Someone shattered a urinal.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
