I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
