Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
They have beer where we have blood.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
