I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The best revenge is premature balding
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
