somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
