He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
FUCK WHALES
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
