I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
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I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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