what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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