is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
