dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
