ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
