I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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