Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
