Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
