Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
