just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize