No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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