when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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