she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
40s are totally the cure
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
