If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
