You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The feeling are messing with the penis
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
