youre lurking in front of me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
