I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
