she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
