Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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