Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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