Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
no you cant smoke seaweed
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
