I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Terrible idea I love it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
