My sheets look like a crime scene.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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