the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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