Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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