That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
