your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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