mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
did i just pee glitter
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