You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If I die, sorry about rent.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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