I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
