So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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