you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
