It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
