Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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