Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
