I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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