No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
