Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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