there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
