Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
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Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need to sanitize my soul.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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