is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
