she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
