Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
