Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
