I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
