I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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