Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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