So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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