it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
