can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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