a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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