they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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