After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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