so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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