somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
